On Monday, September 16th, I walked into my house, holding a tiny baby girl, only to sit down on my couch and cry. Why was I crying? I had a new foster baby to love and care for! I had waited out the 90 Community Care Licensing (CCL) investigation after CSW X had accused me of violating the person rights of a foster child, it was over! To of been accused of causing harm to one of my foster children was a blow to my ego, but all charges were found to be untrue. More about that later…
I sat down on my couch and cried because I knew I did not want to be raising another persons baby. TieDye was a very hard baby! She screamed constantly, puked constantly, and was generally unhappy. I could of chose to keep her in my home until she was either reunited with mom, went to a family member, or was placed for adoption. I do not want to adopt a child anytime soon. The only child I wanted to adopt was Doc. TieDye was very much like McGee, she needed more care than I was able to provide on my own. With McGee, I spent 3 days a week at my parents house so I could get some sleep and cram in a weeks worth of school work. I do not want to do that again.
An additional element to choosing to have TieDye moved: I do not want to love another child and then have my heart broken when the child leaves. Without having the intent to adopt her, and her case seemed to be heading that way, I was setting myself up for certain heartbreak. No Thank You!
From Friday night until Wednesday afternoon, when CPS found a new placement for her, TieDye and I moved in with Nana Wendy. Nana Wendy and her roommate took over TieDye’s care from 1pm until 8pm. I went about 5 miles up the road to get school work done, and fall asleep randomly on the couch for 20 minutes. There was no possible way I could get school work done while being the sole caregiver for TD! The only possible way to keep her from screaming (and I say “screaming” rather than “crying” with purpose) was to hold her while patting her back and walking.
The day after I got TD, she and I spent 8 hours in the ER where she had a host of tests run to see what was causing her to scream. There she had two IV’s placed, was catheterized, had an abdominal ultrasound done, and a spinal tape preformed. It was hell for her. During all these procedures, aside from the ultrasound, I stood in the hallway with tears streaming down my face. TD went with Nana Wendy, her roommate, and their foster child to his ENT appointment. Wendy later told me that the ENT walked into the exam room, looked at TD, and said “That poor baby is miserable! What is she diagnosed with?”
When I spoke TD’s CPS worker on Monday, I told him that this baby needs a stay at home foster parent who is experienced with special needs infants, has a second caregiver in the home, and is able to provide TD with 100% of his/her attention. They found that exact home for her!
All that being said, I am closing my home to placements! This is a very exciting thing for me! I will keep my license for the next year so that I can remain Corncob’s respite provider and emergency contact for school. I am applying for grad school and Teach for America. I do not regret my time as a foster parent in the slightest bit! I have loved the experiences of fostering, working with bio families, and this shit looks great on applications!